We had our interview Wednesday with the lady who will represent us at the committee. She was very nice, thorough (which I love) and provoked some thought in us which is a good thing since we've ran out of things to think about on our own.
It is so hard to imagine all of the possibilities of things we can, may, or probably will experience with the little ones. With N's diagnosis of Autism, we have been reading, researching and questioning a ton of people. We always seem to end up in the same place though. We know the "basic" surrounding it all, but "every child is different". From the paperwork we have been able to look at we see that N has made amazing progress in his current state and that Foster Mom feels he is coming around. We are so happy about all of this. We have began to look at every aspect of our lives from the point of view of a child with Autism. What noises will bother him? How will we provide him a safe place to settle during/after meltdown? What is our exit stratedy when we are in a place that he cannot handle? Then, the thought arises that we do not even know him yet. We know the potential challenges he faces just because he is ASD, but I cannot wait to find out what his specifics are. I know about the dishwasher, tags in clothes, no comprhension of danger, sometimes lacking eye contact.... etc. That may seem pretty big and yes, it is but all seem managable.
We have had several "family meetings" with B and R since the whole process began and if I haven't said it before, these kids amaze me with their love and generousity. We tell them the things that can be expected with adoption from fostercare in general and explain a little about autism, (little because we do not want them to have wrong assumptions about things). We talked about things that are 'solid' in our family and things that are 'changable'. One of the questions we were asked was about our decision to homeschool. She asked if the children began to interfere with our ability to homeschool, would we give the children back? Valid question. Answer - absolutely not. We are committed to doing whatever we have to for all of our children. Sure we may be required to spread ourselves thin and depend on outside help, but THANK GOD, we have a great support system and we are already making alterations to our lives. I let the church know that I will be taking time off from teaching classes for awhile... they expected that. I have moved the boys' schoolwork from the kitchen table to my room and they are observing what "quiet time" in our home will be like if the kids are napping. We've talked about the E-bag we will always have packed, what should always be in it, and where it will be. (Emergency Bag)We will also have the E-drawer in the van. Diapers, wipes and a change of clothes for everyone. I do remember some things from when B and R were little. I am looking forward to all of this really. D is too. Which brings up another question. She wanted to be sure he is as committed to adopting as I am. Another valid question and her reason for asking was based on a recent experience she had. He answered her by saying he was fully committed and would rely on my mom and granny to help him, but he would never leave them- they are his children. When we hung up he laughed at the fact he was the one who came to me to get this ball rolling. Although we had always talked about adopting, we weren't always on the same page timing wise. Then, the day he said lets do it, everything fell into place. I had to let her know that I am the mouth in our family. I am a natural born talker and D just isn't. He depends on me for that a lot and I always look to him to be sure I convey his message correctly. He and I talk at length about things and are not new to eachother's processes, so it works.
Anyway, back to the topic of autism. I hesitated at first to read books and 'learn' too much because of the fact no two kids are the same on the spectrum, so I chose books that were experience based, most written by moms of ASD kids. I can't say I've drawn a plan from any of these, which wasn't my intent, but I did see a picture of what a family looks like that has had to embrace their child's exceptions. The similar and same things I found across the pages are what I took into consideration. The rest will come from guidance and education from his counsellors, therapists and doctors. I am interviewing people all next week so I will have an idea of who we might be using in all this. It's hard though. The conversations go like this.
THE BAD ONES-
"HI, I am looking for some information about the services you offer and would like a moment to explain my situation."
"Sure"
"My husband and I are in the process of adopting 3 children, one is 3 years old and diagnosed with Autism. We have only a little information and will share what we can, but we want to be proactive in his care. Should I go on?"
"You're adoping [as if to say you are CHOOSING this] a child who has autism? Why?"
"Thank you for your time, I will seek other avenues."
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Then there are those who you just wanna go hang out with because they are amazing people!!!
"HI, I am looking for some information about the services you offer and would like a moment to explain my situation."
"Sure"
"My husband and I are in the process of adopting 3 children, one is 3 years old and diagnosed with Autism. We have only a little information and will share what we can, but we want to be proactive in his care. Should I go on?"
"Absoultely! You will learn so much from him and obviously already love and are ready to embrace his differences."
I go on to explain his current 'plan' and what is working according to the records I have. I can feel her smiling on the phone! YAY! She said she can provide me the information I need with no problem. Occupational therapists, behaviorial therapists, play groups, parent support groups, educational options...
She said so much I almost had info overload, but the willingness to help and the love for the children made the choice easy. So, we look forward to the meeting and hopefully will be making these people a part of our lives soon. (We still have to bring the children home)
Yet another note. I mentioned before that E was recently evaluated and found to have some tendancies to be motherly toward people and horde materials. This is pretty common for foster children because even as young as they are they still experience loss and she has obviously. Feeling unsure of where the things she needs will come from or be available, trying to care for others as if she's the mommy - this is something that she will need help with. She will probably need to continue with her therapy and we will seek out a pre-school that has experience with foster children. I have that on my list too. I found a local preschool that offers spanish classes! Hopefully it will be a fit because I want her to continue in that. All of them really, but she's the oldest and I want to be sure we do what we need to pretty quickly to keep that a part of her life. I don't want E to be in pre-school all day everyday though, N either. Nevertheless, we will do what is deemed best for them. Our home is pretty flexible so, we will see how things go.
I am starting to ramble and have lost my train of thought to dinner plans so I will post again later.
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